I want to start by saying that Sarah Palin seems like a sweet woman, good mom, intelligent, capable…okay, scratch that…she’s kind of likable. There we go…likable. Maybe. And she proved she can read a teleprompter. But is this the measure of the Vice Presidency? I know the past eight years have muddled the description of both President and Vice President – ‘dipshit’ became a requirement to hold the Presidential office, and ‘smug asshole’ became the norm for Vice, but McPalin would take this country to a whole new level of stupid. The one good thing that could come from this dynamic duo teaming up is a good old fashioned, NRA approved hunting trip…If Palin is as good of a shot as Cheney, maybe we kill two Dodo Birds with one stone.
There will be those who argue that Sarah Palin’s speech at the RNC was impressive. I would argue that your expectations were LOW to begin with. What was so impressive? Was it her ‘I’m rubber, you’re glue’ tone delivered in that nasally, Fargo-esque voice? Or were you impressed with how she said “John Sssss. McCain” like she knew the biggest secret in town. Please, do NOT be fooled by this self proclaimed, small town girl’s lipstick-wearing-pit-bull routine. “I’m just your average hockey mom…” Come on… She was likable. That’s it. And I know plenty of other likable women whom I would NOT vote for, but at least take seriously, before I even thought about Sarah Palin.
On a serious note, what about Kay Bailey Hutchinson or Elizabeth Dole? I’m on the Biden train, but wouldn’t one of these women be a better choice for running mate? Why not Charlize Theron…she’s likable enough? Chelsea Handler (LOVE her)? My next door neighbor (a really cool chick)? Your Mom? My Mom…? The list goes on. The similarities between Sarah Palin and MY MOM are actually quite astounding and still MY MOM would be a better choice for VP. Take a looksie…
Palin was raised in a small town. MY mother was raised in a small town!
Palin served on the PTA…MY mother served on the PTA!
Palin is raising five kids with her Eskimo-husband Todd. MY MOM raised five kids, without A Todd around, while holding down a more-than-full-time job…two boys and three girls – NONE of which knocked anyone up or got knocked up at 17. Oooh, damn…point for Palin.
Palin was runner-up to Miss Alaska 1984…MY MOTHER was a Michigan Pageant Queen and WON! That means she actually went home with the crown. Take that, beotch.
Palin is a Hockey Mom (*note: if you drive the carpool once a month and provide Sunny D. for the kids, you are granted the coveted Hockey Mom status). MY MOM not only drove the carpool and gave out juice boxes, but she also attended every game AND coached 13 different teams for five different kids, over 20 years. That’s what the hockey world calls a Hat Trick. BAM. Puck off, Palin.
Palin was passionate about her efforts to cut wasteful spending…like the “luxury jet” that was “over the top” or her attempt to “muddle” through life without a personal chef… MY MOTHER could burn a pop-tart in a toaster, but she always had dinner (cereal or mac & cheese) on the table, she didn’t fly until she was 20, and she made a dollar stretch a mile. I’ll even guarantee she has the receipts to prove it. Sorry you had to forego your private jet, Sarah…Maybe you could’ve kept it if you didn’t spend so much on that Pearl Necklace you wore last night…Or was that a gift from Todd?
Palin’s speech was so modest, she even admitted that she drives herself to work everyday. WOW…this is getting eerie, now…MY mom also drives herself to work. Cray-zee.
Since this whole election has turned into one giant shit show, I don’t see any reason why I can’t use this blog, 10 hours before McCain officially accepts the Republican nomination alongside his running mate, to nominate My MOM for Vice President 2008! We thank you ahead of time for your support and want you to know we are doing everything we can to have her trained to use a high powered rifle to kill innocent animals and/or people if they get in her way. AND, if it helps matters, she has no opinions on foreign policy either…JUST LIKE SARAH PALIN!
In summation, I’d just like to thank the Republicans, on behalf of Obama supporters everywhere, for choosing Palin, and in effect, banking on mediocrity to win this election. You are forever in my debt. -Love always and long live the Polar Bear, Harman