ABC’s “The BASTARD”

48 hours ago Jason Mesnick was America’s favorite bachelor, but he went from hero to zero in one hour last night on ABC’s The Bachelor, and I just wouldn’t be doing my hob (hobby job) if I didn’t call him out for being such a DOUCHEBAG.

bachelor-mesnick45There is absolutely NO excuse for the maneuver this fickle pickle pulled. I don’t have the energy or the desire to explain it all now. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, try tuning into a reliable news source every once in awhile, like E! Entertainment. I do however have some things I would like to say to those involved: 

Melissa, though you are far from the brightest light on the menorah, you’re way too good for this retard. You need to get a little hopped up, make some bad decisions and forget all about that loser. In fact, I know a few guys who would fuck the bitterness right out of you if you’re ever up for it.

Molly, you’re a troll with no spine or self-respect. You and Rhianna should form a club. Maybe Stephen Hawking can join.  

DeAnna, you should change your locks and change your number ASAP because this dickhead will definitely be calling you next. Six more weeks with the troll and he’ll be calling every bachelorette he ever sent packing.

Chris Harrison, quit referring to the bachelor as “historic”. World Wars are historic. The Civil Rights Movement was historic. Britney shaving her head was historic. Fickle Pickle changing his mind, though extremely douchey, is NOT historic.

Ty, one word: Emancipation. 

And lastly, Jason… How no one ever realized that you’re about 5’6” and a giant pussy, I’ll never know, but kudos to pulling the wool over the eyes of America. If it had been just one girl who wasn’t good enough for you, I may have been able to take this ride. But you failed your first marriage, you failed with DeAnna, you let 24 girls slip right through your hands, you failed your second engagement and the cycle most likely continues from here, so… Maybe it’s you. If you have one friend who kills them-self, it’s most likely them. If you have three or more friends who kill themselves, there might be something wrong with YOU. You catch my drift?

Peace out, Douchebag. We don’t have room for you here in LA, so take that shit back to Seattle and concentrate on making sure your son doesn’t turn out like you.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “ABC’s “The BASTARD”

  1. Stephen Hawkins would agree that Mesdick should be thrown into a black hole.

  2. aaron

    i love how women are so up in arms with this jason guy, while men dont really give a shit…

  3. Dr.

    Dude, this is an age old battle of the sexes, rekindled in the modern forum of reality tv. It makes for genius television. Of course every woman is going to call this guy a douche. But every guy is saying “What? No big deal.” I mean, as long as they are going to have these “wrap up” shows, then the show ain’t over.

    Note: She should of kept the ring, that’s like 10 grand she just handed back.

    Plus it’s all about the crazy. Believe me, they started with The Bachelor, and for a few seasons didn’t even have a The Bachelorette. Why? Because 30 women living together vying for one dude, just has crazy written all over it. The Bachelorette was an after thought – a botched experiment. It’s all about the Bachelor and the gaggle of crazy it creates. You gotta be crazy to even be on this show and think this guy is the answer to your prayers even before you actually meet him in person. Plus it is your duty as a bachelor to keep the crazy all the time. He saw an opportunity to take the crazy where it’s never been, and you have to do that if you have the opportunity. Every dude admires the crazy.

    You make no mention of the fact that DeAnna basically did the same thing as Jason in that final episode too. Lets look at what this crazy chick did. One season ago she told Jason to get up off his knee b/c she wanted to marry a pro snowboarder! Then only when he has fallen for two other women and is about 8000 miles away does she say to herself…”I think I’ll go take crazy to another level”. BTW the snowboarder saw his failed engagement, and is presently banging some chick from a previous season. So in conslusion, snowboarder dude said “What, no big deal” and got on with his life in a not crazy manner, while Deanna went globe trotting for this “douche”

    Yeah, he dumped Melissa on national TV but who knows how much extra ABC paid him to do it on their show. It really wrapped things up nicely. It’s good tv to see them fall for eachother, but we NEVER get to see how they break up, and that makes for HISTORIC TV.

  4. DH

    Well said Dr. Well said. Watching the tears and joy during the proposal, turn to unabashed hatred in a mere 15mins was one of the more hilarious moments in tv history. Can’t wait for twenty years from now when Ty and his Dad compete for the same gaggle of gals on The Bachelor’s 150th show.

    Oh and thanks for the comment on FI, SH. I’m glad someone is reading…

    p.s. Can’t we all agree to leave Stephen Hawking out of this?

  5. The only episode I saw in this whole mess was the last one. Perhaps that is all I needed to see:
    Once again, I have seen another sad case of low self esteem and desperation (on the chicks part though she attempted to put up a strong front with giggles). In the last show the Bachelor didn’t even offer effective and confincing words to whoo the chick back from Grand Rapids, MI. Maybe the small town girl doesn’t know what she is dealing with ? A P-L-A-Y-A. The interactions did not seem to be based on love/lust and instead seemed to be more propelled by neediness, lack of communication and pure douchebaggetry. Please pardon the tackiness of the term.

  6. Lydia

    I’ve always said the Bachelor was a f***ed up perversion of the traditional dating ritual but i couldn’t help but be on Jason’s team for the last 2 seasons. He was so charming, he had a son so they didn’t need to announce his well paying job at the start of episode… just “Jason, the single dad from Seattle.” I teared up when he proposed to Melissa and they jumped in the pool with clothes on! They are crazy, that Zum Zum dress will never be the same. And then my dreams were dashed and I’m swearing off that show. Thanks for nothing Jason.

  7. krista

    Jason has been a doucebag from the beginning and will always be a doucebag…there’s no way in hell he’d get that many chicks in real life without abc paying thousands of dollars to create unrealistic dates that he could never live up to…and I’ll bet you he has a small penis too.
    Although he did have huge balls for breaking up with Melissa on national tv….wtf? He is a bastard and Molly is a dumb ass for taking him back…good luck with that one…

  8. Jason

    Women shouldn’t even be voting…let alone talking about what women Im screwing…I think i’ve decided to marry both and attend BYU

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